A former oil broker who gave up her high paying job to be a pilates trainer, Aly Khairuddin, exercised for a living. But at the age of 43, the FitNut Loft founder was diagnosed with breast cancer and her world came crashing down.
Breast cancer had always cast a long shadow over Aly’s life. “My mother died from breast cancer when I was seven years old. So I’ve always grown up with this foreboding that one day I might get it,” she said.
When she was diagnosed with breast cancer during a routine mammogram in October 2015, it felt like fate.
That did not make it any easier.
Her daughters were only nine and six years old then. “My first thought was, I didn’t want to die. I had grown up without a mother and didn’t want that to happen to my daughters,” she said.
Fortunately, Aly had been zealous about breast cancer screening and her cancer was detected at Stage 1. It was a small 0.5cm lump in her right breast, and Aly was guardedly optimistic.
“At the start, I was all positive self-talk. I said to myself, ‘I’m a fitness professional, I can do this. I’m going to show the world that I’m a warrior,” she said.
“But the actual journey hit me like a tonne of bricks. It was so much harder than I’d ever envisioned,” she admitted.
INFECTIONS FROM THE BREAST RECONSTRUCTION IMPLANTS
It began as a simple lumpectomy to remove the tumour. However, her doctors could not find clear margins and suggested a mastectomy to remove her entire right breast. Because of Aly’s family history of breast cancer, she decided to remove both breasts, even the one that did not have a tumour.
She then underwent reconstruction using breast implants before proceeding to do chemotherapy.
Little did she expect to get infections from the breast implant.
“That was far worse than my chemotherapy. They had to take out the implant on my right, wash it up and put it back in. Then, my left implant also got infected. So they did three surgeries to wash the implants in total.
“My doctor said I was probably the unluckiest cancer patient in terms of reconstruction that they’d ever had,” she said.
Seeing as to how the infections kept returning, she decided to give on having breasts. “Finally, I said, just get rid of the implants. I will live my life ‘flat’,” she declared.
In 2016, she removed her right implant and in 2017, she removed her left implant. Aly then wore prostheses, artificial breasts designed to look like breasts.
“I’d gained 16kg, lost all my hair and didn’t have breasts. I was a shadow of the woman I was. I hated how I looked,” she said.
During treatment, she also took Tamoxifen, a drug that blocked oestrogen receptors to prevent cancer cells from growing. “My body went through this crazy hormonal change, which included the hot flashes and sweats,” she said. This caused her to temporarily experience the symptoms of early menopause in her mid-40s.
CONTINUING HER WORKOUTS WHILE IN CHEMOTHERAPY
Aly continued working out while undergoing treatment for around a year. “I didn’t want the world to see that I was vulnerable. I had that whole notion that I had to be so much stronger,” she said.
But even going to the gym was hard, especially after she started chemotherapy. “I thought, should I wear my hat to hide my bald head? I wasn’t going to wear my wig to exercise because that’s just too hot. I felt so vulnerable just walking to my gym where I knew everybody,” she confessed.
Aly pushed through her doubts only to be completely crushed by a flippant comment from one of the gym trainers.
“He said, ‘You put on weight, huh?’,” she recalled.
“I’m sure he didn’t mean to be cruel, but his words really hurt me, especially since he knew I’d gone through cancer. I ran out of the gym and never went back,” she said.
That was the lowest point in her life. Though she was not officially diagnosed, she remembers experiencing symptoms of depression.
I’d gained 16kg, lost all my hair and didn’t have breasts. I was a shadow of the woman I was. I hated how I looked.
“Just getting out of bed in the morning was hard. I was so sad and angry. The treatment is tough. But then seeing the changes in your body is also super hard,” she said, adding that she only made it through with the support of her husband and her daughters.
Aly began exercising in her bedroom, and felt a little stronger. In December 2016, after a 14-month journey that began with her breast cancer diagnosis in October 2015, she completed her cancer treatment.
REBUILDING HER LIFE AFTER CANCER TREATMENT
Completing her treatment was not the “homecoming” many might envision.
“While I kind of made it out on the other side, I was quite broken by the time my treatment ended,” she admitted.
Aly was driving home a week after her last chemotherapy session when she noticed that a tenant at one of the retail shops in the Pandan Valley condominium she lives at was moving out.
A certified pilates trainer and personal trainer, Aly had always wanted to start her own fitness studio pre-cancer and saw this as a sign. She rented the small 400 square foot space, and opened FitNut Loft in March 2017.
“That’s how I pivoted from a broken woman going through depression and not feeling like she belonged in any gym, to starting the business that I have now,” she said.
Aly was terrified at first. “I had been working out and lost half the weight I’d gained during breast cancer. But I still had weight on me. I’d also developed a frozen shoulder and couldn’t lift my left arm due to my mastectomy.”
That’s how I pivoted from a broken woman going through depression and not feeling like she belonged in any gym, to starting the business that I have now.
“I thought, how can I be training clients when I don’t look like I should be training clients? I felt like an imposter,” she said.
But she trusted in her abilities as a trainer. Starting with just one client, she grew her client base slowly. She also spent her free time working out at FitNut Loft and rehabilitating herself to gain full mobility.
One day, she decided to offer the routine she used to rehabilitate herself to a group class at a very low introductory fee. This incorporated pilates and strength training. It was a hit and her business took off.
In July 2019, two years after she set up FitNut Loft, Aly’s husband, who was hitherto the main breadwinner lost his job. That was when she decided to expand her business.
She upgraded to a larger 1,800 sq ft space – more than four times the original space – within the same Pandan Valley condominium. A year ago, she opened her second studio at River Valley.
REDEFINING FITNESS AND BEAUTY
Today, FitNut Loft has slightly fewer than 100 clients, mostly women in their 40s and 50s.
“I’ve had breast cancer, went through menopause, had a weight issue and had a frozen shoulder. So I want to create a safe space that is kind and has empathy to help others like me,” she said.
This, she said, begins with reframing the narrative about why we exercise.
“As females, we all want to feel beautiful – on the inside and outside. But I tell my clients that in our 40s, 50s and beyond, it is no longer about six-packs or getting that booty. It is about getting your body to a healthier body fat percentage and strength.
“Because muscle mass decreases every decade, you have to increase your strength no matter how old you are, even if you are 90, so that you can do simple things like opening a jar or carrying groceries, or having good balance so that you can catch yourself if you fall,” she said.
“Let’s look at exercising from a health perspective – the body fat around your belly is dangerous because it surrounds your organs, so you want to reduce that,” Aly said, recommending a combination of strength training, cardiovascular and High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) workouts, as well as increasing daily movement.
“The benefit you’ll get is a slight or major physical transformation. You will get slimmer and have that muscle tone that a lot of women want,” she said.
FitNut Loft also has a small community of around 10 breast cancer warriors, and Aly is passionate about supporting them.
“This is a space that was born from breast cancer. And if you’ve got breast cancer, we want to help you through your journey and create a safe space for you to be a new version of yourself,” she said.
To create a non-toxic environment for immunocompromised clients, Aly avoids using chemicals while disinfecting the space. Instead, she uses Natroshield, a botanical disinfectant certified to kill COVID-19, by the Therapeutic Goods Administration, a medicine and therapeutic regulatory agency of the Australian government.
She also chose gym equipment such as rubber balls and yoga mats that are free of PVC plastic, which frequently contain phthalates. These chemicals, especially when ingested, are believed to affect hormonal balance and potentially cause health problems, including reproductive and development issues. Because of her cancer journey, Aly took extra precaution to ensure that these chemicals are not present in many common items that come into contact with clients’ skin as well.
HER JOURNEY TOWARDS SELF-CONFIDENCE
This healing and entrepreneurship journey has also completely reshaped how Aly looks at her own body.
“I’ve always grown up with a weight issue … where the first thing people do is comment on your weight – you’re so fat, so thin. It’s always about our bodies.
“But I’ve now changed my thought process about my body,” she said.
“I’m 51, and if I’ve got a little bit of flab, I’m cool, as long as my body fat percentage is at a healthy rate and I’m strong. I accept who I am, but I am also doing everything possible to have the healthiest life for longevity, and so that I have the energy to live the life I want,” she said.
Aly has embraced body positivity wholeheartedly such that she even took out her prostheses in an emotional and tearful live Facebook video in August 2018.
“I was flapping my prostheses and saying, ‘You know what, I don’t care about my breasts anymore. I’m done with them. I accept who I am and I’m going to go prostheses-free and go flat,” she said, adding that she rarely wears protheses these days.
“I felt a bit scared going into my studio without prostheses at first, but no one said anything to me. No one even noticed that I was flat. And honestly, I feel so free not wearing a bra these days,” she said.
“I believe beauty is subjective. What matters most for women is how we feel on the inside – to look in that mirror, like what you see and feel confident with what you are wearing. With that confidence, you will exude positive energy that will affect the people in your life,” she said.
